Lincoln Elementary

Last Friday I spoke to Lincoln Elementary’s 3rd, 4th and 5th graders! They were a fantastic bunch and absorbed everything I said. Though it was 9 am, the students were not only alert but interested!! I always love speaking with students who are the older trend setters in their schools. Often, they set the examples for younger students and I encourage them to model better behavior in order to create the safest social climate at school, home and in extracurricular activities. They loved their bracelets and enjoyed the gossip game we played even more! One of my new favorite things to take from schools is a list of memorable questions or quotes. Unfortunately, my memory card is being crazy and I cannot access the pictures taken on Friday. Hopefully my dad will have an answer for this when he gets home from work and I can upload them tonight!

• “How long does it take you to do your make up?”
• “How long does it take you to do your hair?”
• “If you absolutely had to change your name, what would you change it to?”
• “What is your favorite color?” “What is your favorite movie?”
• “Do you like Taylor Swift?” (Uh oh…I’m in trouble on this one!)
• “Are your bullies jealous of you now?” “Did your bullies ever apologize?” “What was the meanest thing you ever said about someone?”
• “Who do you think is going to win American Idol?” (Little did they know – even if I guessed, I know oh so little about singing!)
• “What is your talent? Will you tap dance for us?” (Met my screams and urging, I did a few wings!)
• “I know at Miss America you have to change clothes like super fast, so how fast can you change clothes?” (I may have to ask the Red Coats to time me this year!)
• “What is your favorite romance movie or book, you know, like Twilight?” (After proclaiming that I am, in fact ‘Team Edward’ the crowd went wiiiiiiiild!                                                                                                                                                      Lincoln’s students were awesome, and not only cared about anti-relational aggression efforts, but are already involved in a program to stop bullying in their schools! They have a program called Positive Leadership which consists of a few students, selected by each class for being consistently kind and caring towards others. After speaking to the groups, I was able to chat with these students about what they have learned prior to my visit and how they are preventing relational aggression at Lincoln. It’s always encouraging to see schools which know bullying is one of the greatest issues facing our students, and implement programs of this nature to protect their students!

Truman: Take 1

I’ve scheduled several school assemblies and speaking engagements, and am beyond excited to share my experiences! Recently, I was able to visit Truman’s 5th grade, and today I spoke with 3rd grade! Next week I’ll be speaking to the rest of the school.

(Where’s Waldo Miss Sooner State?)

First, I have to say that the teachers at Truman are fantastic. I met Mrs. Barr (P.E.) and Mrs. Tune (Music…funny right?) who were so supportive of the relational aggression initiative. Mrs. Barr was concerned about the 5th graders move to middle school, along with the 3rd graders who were learning more about manipulation and bullying. Mrs. Tune used to teach Kindergarten and said she once had two girls (keep in mind, they were 6 or 7) who were fighting over a boy! I’m sure I will learn so much more when I begin teaching next year, but I am simply amazed at how much social norms have changed even just since I was in school. (Ok, so now I realize that was quite a while ago…it doesn’t seem so long ago!)

The third graders were VERY responsive and inquisitive! They’re at an age where they want to share everything about themselves with you and have hundreds of millions of questions. Needless to say, I love it! They were so quick and fully understood the concept and everything I said. Something I was floored by was their use of the word “blackmailing.” I don’t know if it was a spelling word, but everyone seemed to want to use it and often described bullying incidents related to blackmail. This issue is obviously not the same for an 8-year-old and 30-year-old, but the idea is basically the same.

The kids LOVED my bracelets and were too excited to wear them! I’m so glad they maintained interest, since the subject can often become heavy. With so many tragedies happening (even in Oklahoma) relational aggression is something you must tread lightly around. I’m always careful not to overwhelm the students and aim to educate more than frighten. After my program ended, I allowed some time for questions since they were such a curious bunch. I answered several questions about my favorite color, how the crown stays on and what to do in certain bullying situations. My favorite question of the day was “Do you have a boyfriend? Does he have abs?” HAHAHA! Through near giggles, I told him that yes I do have a boyfriend and asked if he was aiming to take his place. Needless to say, the group thought that was about the funniest thing that had ever happened. I was also asked if I had to take a foreign language in college (they were seriously curious!) and then taught the group how to say “hello” and “goodbye” in Cherokee!

The 5th graders were much quieter! In third grade, they wanted to tell stories or ask questions every 15 seconds. Fifth grade had great listeners and a few students led the discussion. At first, I was worried that this age may think they’re “too cool” for a talk about relational aggression, but they hung on every word. This group is between a rock and a hard place. They are the oldest, and most looked up to right now, but that will change in August when they move to middle school and are at the bottom of the food chain. I remember exactly what that was like and relayed my experiences to them. They were excited about many things: Spanish class, sleeping in later, and eating Pizza Hut for lunch. Overall, they all seemed to be worried about one aspect: being bullied.

Fifth grade is such a great group to spread my message to because they’re about to embark on a new part of their life and are afraid of what might come with it. Fortunately, they soaked up everything we discussed and I believe they now have the tools to work against relational aggression. Bullying is not something that can end in one day, but it can most definitely be suppressed. If even one life is saved from anorexia, substance abuse or suicide, then I’ve done my job. Looking forward to speaking to more Truman students next week!

Sidenote: Check out my little sis through the Big Brothers Big Sister program, Kim! She knows all about the Miss America Organization and thought wearing my crown was the best thing ever. How cute does she look?!

Stand Up, Speak Out

This morning was another early one for Miss Sooner State! I had the honor of being invited to attend the Youth Speak Out on bullying today at the state capitol, hosted by Rep. Anastasia Pittman. She is just exuberant and filled with drive. Rep. Pittman is currently working to pass HB 1461, which would target bullying in schools. Oklahoma, and the nation for that matter, is in dire need of bullying legislation. While our educators have some control, they cannot eradicate relational aggression in schools without the help of legislation.

I arrived at the capitol around 8:30 am and met several students from Longfellow Middle School (in Norman) and others from Claremore, Asher and Del City. Students were lining the rotunda of the Senate chambers and filled the room. We began after 9 am with Rep. Pittman introducing the event along with asking for a moment of silence for those who have lost their lives due to bullying. Rep. Pittman’s daughter, Ayshia, also spoke as a Youth Leader of America and how her organization has shifted its focus to bullying. Kirk Smalley then facilitated most of the session.

If his name sounds familiar, you may recognize Kirk Smalley from Stand For the Silent, an organization created after Kirk’s son, Ty, committed suicide after being bullied relentlessly.  Kirk travels to schools across the state to speak about bullying and spread a message of love – that you are somebody. Kirk helped several students share their testimonies, poems and words with those who attended the Youth Speak Out. Many offered stories about being the bully, how it happened and what they are now doing to stop others. Some read essays they had written with statistics on bullying, suicide and depression. Everyone spoke about being a victim and what they endured. Students would often break down in tears, to which the entire room would cheer them on and hold up the sign for “love.”

Teachers also spoke about what their own schools are doing to combat bullying and one mother gave a horrifying testimony of the beating her daughter endured and her inability to attend a public school, play a sport or go to a dance anymore. It was a very emotional morning, but extremely positive to see how many people cared to begin setting change into motion. At one point, I was pulled to the side and videotaped in order to provide commentary and additional information about my platform and the event to news sources. Afterwards, I came back inside to share my own stories. I explained about my program which focuses on one aspect of bullying – relational aggression and how I have also been the bully, victim and bystander. After hearing their stories, which are much fresher than my own experiences, I offered insight as to what kind of torment I went through. I told the room about having chairs pulled out from under me in a lunch room, having rumors spread, and becoming a victim to cyber-bullying through AIM fake screen name attacks. Even at 22 years old, I have been made fun of for not having clear skin. I knew the entire room could relate to my examples, since many had shared similar tales.

As recently as six years ago, I felt as though I was one of the few who had noticed and understood relational aggression, and one of even fewer who was speaking to groups about it. I worked with a local organization to visit middle school classrooms in order to continue spreading what I had learned from the Ophelia Project. Seeing the hundreds of students, parents and educators who showed up today was absolutely awe-inspiring. To know that there are that many students in our state who care makes me believe in the future of Oklahoma. With the support I witnessed today, I believe that not only can bullying be suppressed, but it will be. Something that is important to remember though, is that while Kirk Smalley or I can visit classrooms and create excitement about eliminating bullying, more must be done to protect our children. This is why we were at the capitol.

After I spoke, the speak out was concluded and Rep. Pittman and I gathered with several student groups for pictures. Soon we will be setting up another meeting to work further against bullying and continue pushing for HB 1461 to go through. While there, I also met a man who attended the Ophelia Project Summit in Shawnee with me! There were well over a thousand in attendance, and I wish more than anything that we could find the funding to bring back the speakers. I also ran into a representative who was so interested in relational aggression after hearing my testimony, that he googled it for more information. He, like many others, related it to the movie Mean Girls, and was surprised when I told him that it is just as common in the business workplace and that even 3 year olds utilize relational aggression. Being able to speak one-on-one with legislators is a wonderful way to further educate our elected officials and help them understand just how important the bullying bill is to our school system and students.

Yesterday, I made the trip to every elementary and middle school in Norman to meet with principals and offer my platform’s program. There was a lot of interest so I should be speaking to several classrooms and at school assemblies soon. Please let me know if you have a class or know a teacher/principal who would appreciate a concise program presented by Miss Sooner State about relational aggression!