Girl Scouts of Jenks

With three troop presentations in one week again, I felt like I really was living the life of Miss Oklahoma! I met a Jenks Intermediate Middle School troop on Thursday, April 19th. Bless them for welcoming me post-gym work out, and being so receptive to my program!

The girls had many stories of experiencing relational aggression personally, and what their school does to stop bullying as well. One thing I have heard from a few students is the idea of a “bullying box.” Some schools create a box with slips of paper to identify who was exhibiting bullying behavior and the person who was reporting the incident. Why couldn’t it be anonymous? Because sometimes anonymity provides the opportunity to intentionally “tattle” as opposed to “telling,” which is necessary when someone is being hurt physically or emotionally by another.

A few felt the bullying box was not effective, while others thought it worked as well as it could. Many schools do not take relational aggression seriously, which is why we hear about anorexia, drug and alcohol abuse, and teen suicides. I am glad to hear Jenks is taking a stand against bullying, but know that this troop in particular is armed with the knowledge and backbone to stand up for themselves and others when bullying arises.

A few of the fantastic troop members!

One troop member shared a story which I could completely relate to. She was at school the other day when two friends began whispering. Asking what they were talking about, they said “nothing – it’s a secret.” She began to wonder why it could not be shared with her, until she realized – it might be a secret about her. I cannot count the number of times this happened in middle school. Relational aggression right into the open, feeling like a knife in your heart as you deflate immediately.

Another troop member asked me what my biggest mistake was as a target of bullying. As I dwelled on it, I realized that my greatest regret was not telling someone what was happening. With bullying as such a constant in the media now, life is different. Ten and fifteen years ago, bullying was nothing more than a physical offense which left a real bruise. Every day, I got in the car and my mom asked me how my day went – “fine,” I responded. Never would I provide more information, because the girls who were leaving me out, making fun of me, and coming up with names to call me were the ones I had grown up with my whole life – whose parents my parents were friends with. Surely, I thought, this would go away, but keeping it inside was not the answer.

I was so impressed with the quality of thought put into our conversation and it really made me dig deep – back to the days when every day was a struggle and I feared every social aspect of live, including school. Thank you to the Jenks Girl Scouts for inviting me and bringing forth such a thought provoking conversation!

Truman: Take 1

I’ve scheduled several school assemblies and speaking engagements, and am beyond excited to share my experiences! Recently, I was able to visit Truman’s 5th grade, and today I spoke with 3rd grade! Next week I’ll be speaking to the rest of the school.

(Where’s Waldo Miss Sooner State?)

First, I have to say that the teachers at Truman are fantastic. I met Mrs. Barr (P.E.) and Mrs. Tune (Music…funny right?) who were so supportive of the relational aggression initiative. Mrs. Barr was concerned about the 5th graders move to middle school, along with the 3rd graders who were learning more about manipulation and bullying. Mrs. Tune used to teach Kindergarten and said she once had two girls (keep in mind, they were 6 or 7) who were fighting over a boy! I’m sure I will learn so much more when I begin teaching next year, but I am simply amazed at how much social norms have changed even just since I was in school. (Ok, so now I realize that was quite a while ago…it doesn’t seem so long ago!)

The third graders were VERY responsive and inquisitive! They’re at an age where they want to share everything about themselves with you and have hundreds of millions of questions. Needless to say, I love it! They were so quick and fully understood the concept and everything I said. Something I was floored by was their use of the word “blackmailing.” I don’t know if it was a spelling word, but everyone seemed to want to use it and often described bullying incidents related to blackmail. This issue is obviously not the same for an 8-year-old and 30-year-old, but the idea is basically the same.

The kids LOVED my bracelets and were too excited to wear them! I’m so glad they maintained interest, since the subject can often become heavy. With so many tragedies happening (even in Oklahoma) relational aggression is something you must tread lightly around. I’m always careful not to overwhelm the students and aim to educate more than frighten. After my program ended, I allowed some time for questions since they were such a curious bunch. I answered several questions about my favorite color, how the crown stays on and what to do in certain bullying situations. My favorite question of the day was “Do you have a boyfriend? Does he have abs?” HAHAHA! Through near giggles, I told him that yes I do have a boyfriend and asked if he was aiming to take his place. Needless to say, the group thought that was about the funniest thing that had ever happened. I was also asked if I had to take a foreign language in college (they were seriously curious!) and then taught the group how to say “hello” and “goodbye” in Cherokee!

The 5th graders were much quieter! In third grade, they wanted to tell stories or ask questions every 15 seconds. Fifth grade had great listeners and a few students led the discussion. At first, I was worried that this age may think they’re “too cool” for a talk about relational aggression, but they hung on every word. This group is between a rock and a hard place. They are the oldest, and most looked up to right now, but that will change in August when they move to middle school and are at the bottom of the food chain. I remember exactly what that was like and relayed my experiences to them. They were excited about many things: Spanish class, sleeping in later, and eating Pizza Hut for lunch. Overall, they all seemed to be worried about one aspect: being bullied.

Fifth grade is such a great group to spread my message to because they’re about to embark on a new part of their life and are afraid of what might come with it. Fortunately, they soaked up everything we discussed and I believe they now have the tools to work against relational aggression. Bullying is not something that can end in one day, but it can most definitely be suppressed. If even one life is saved from anorexia, substance abuse or suicide, then I’ve done my job. Looking forward to speaking to more Truman students next week!

Sidenote: Check out my little sis through the Big Brothers Big Sister program, Kim! She knows all about the Miss America Organization and thought wearing my crown was the best thing ever. How cute does she look?!